Happy birthday Rhea

twenty two

Happy birthday my dear Rhea,

Out of all the days of the year, today is the day I miss you the most. In an ideal world, I would storm into your house, first thing in the morning, with coffee and cake. And not leave your side until the next morning. I think we would definitely have a birthday celebration/tradition of some sort by now. We would probably watch a specific kind of movie, or choose a park to have a birthday picnic in, or go out to a certain bar for too much wine. It sounds a bit mundane writing it out like that. Sure, we could be on an expensive yacht somewhere magical or partying on some island with some obnoxious people– but I think the best days spent with you are the most normal ones. Every single day of the year, I find myself wishing that we could do life closer to each other. But today is also the day I am the most grateful for you. I hope today gives you as much love as you give to the world. You deserve nothing but the very best. Even though I am technically older than you, you are the wisest person I know. You are the person I wish I could introduce to every single person in my life. Because my life would be very much incomplete without you in it. Happy birthday my love.

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I was recently going through my camera roll to find pictures of us when I stumbled upon this photo. I don’t remember the context behind it but it was taken in our biology lab sometime in 2019. I am posing obnoxiously while Rhea is in the background. Sometimes it takes a while for me to accept the fact that 2019 is now 5 years ago.

Most days, I cannot believe that there was a timeline when we were both in the same place at the same time for that long. We were both literally in the same classroom for two years, every single day of the academic year. I wish I could go back in time to one of our boring biology classes and tell our younger selves about how things would turn out. How we would both be studying the things we love. And how the universe would somehow pull us together. But most importantly, how we would both be trying our best to live life the way we want to. Younger Rhea would probably give me the worst stink eye and skip the next few classes.

It hit me recently that I will never know what having a sister would feel like. I don’t know why but I’ve actually never had this thought in my life until a few weeks ago. I think I was making toast in the morning when I was thinking about this day when we went to go watch Thelma & Louise. I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to stop time here, in this specific moment. I wanted to do a million things with you this day. We’ve talked about this a lot since then but I think the best times during your trip here were when we were just talking and not really thinking about anything or anyone but us. I honestly believe that the friendship you have shown me over the years is the closest thing I will experience to sisterhood. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. You have shown me the most warmth I could imagine. I know warmth is not the word that comes to mind when you think about yourself. But you really are very warm. I don’t know what I would do without you, genuinely. Thank you for always being there for me when I turn a bit insane. Whenever I feel like my sanity is slipping from me, you say a few sentences that make me feel a lot better. In fact, most of the time, I feel like I can trust you more than myself. I know you don’t know what I mean exactly when I talk about this feeling of imagined sisterhood because you actually have a sister unlike me (hi Prisha!) But I guess I mean it in the sense where we have this indescribable bond that I hold really close to my heart. In a way, it feels trivial to call you a friend. Regardless, thank you for being the most supportive and gentle friend. I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve you. But you are stuck with me forever in this current life.

You inspire me so much as a person. You are also the best writer I know. You have a way with words that move me so much; I often find myself tearing up whenever I read your posts. I don’t know if it’s because I can imagine the way you say certain things, but everything you write feels extremely sincere. You have a way of expressing things so earnestly. Every word feels like it comes with purpose. I can’t wait to see how much your writing grows as you get older (I know you are still young but I mean this in the best way). Being able to read your writing is a true blessing. You have a way of seeing the world that is so different from us; the way you feel and write is such a beautiful gift. One of the best parts of being your friend is being able to see this first hand. The small things you note. The way you reflect on difficult situations. Even the really bad things don’t seem that bad when you talk me through it. I learn so much from you, every single day.

I am so excited to see what this new chapter will bring for you– where this year will take you, what kind of people you will meet, all the streets you will see…how exciting, truly! I have a funny feeling that this year will be a very transformative one for you. I am so happy that I will get to see you blossom into the person that you will become. I don’t know if that sentence even makes sense but you know what I mean. One moment, we were immature teenagers in a biology class struggling to get a 7 (sorry Ms Gobin). And one day, we will be older and more wrinkled, and reminisce about all those days. We will look back and laugh at all the silly moments we went through together, including the days we spent in my flat in Camden. And all the memories we have yet to make. I really can’t wait to do more of life with you.

But for now, happy 22nd birthday. Love you beyond words.

This is my favourite photo of you